Why I am scared of mice - very afraid

When I was ten years old my brother Joe suggested we save up our pocket money and buy a pet rabbit. Of course we wouldn't inform Mum and dad: my big brother Joe said it would be a simple case of "fait accompli". I didn't know what this meant but I tried to nod knowingly. Joe had this tremendous depth of knowledge that always reassured me. We speeded up the funding process by hunting down bottles of lemonade that we could redeem in the shops for three pence each, and we quickly raised the money for our pet rabbit.

On the day we were due to set off to the pet shop, Joe explained with impeccable logic that we needn't restrict ourselves to one pet, when with the money we had saved we could have five or six pets. The new plan was to buy five or six mice.

Now, when you have a brother who is brave, daring and all-knowing it is difficult to disagree. I was secretly terrified of mice but how could I admit this to such a brother? My phobia would be seen as a sign of weakness and it would be far too shameful to admit to this. Unlike many phobias, I can trace the mice one back to its source.

One day when I was about 3 years old I told Mum I had seen an animal in the bathroom. Mum asked me how big the animal was and I said it was "as big as a sheep." Mum looked alarmed, imagining there must be a wild dog or some such beast in the house. The next thing Mum goes into the bathroom and screams hysterically. When I had told Mum this animal was as big as a sheep, I neglected to prefix this with the word "toy". Yes, it was indeed a mouse. When I saw Mum panicking I too ran around the house screaming. To this day, I have an irrational fear of mice. The poet, Philip Larkin's words comes to mind. "They f... you up your Mum and Dad", Sorry Mum!

So, we set off for the pet shop and bought six mice in a biscuit tin punched with holes. The brilliant thing about Joe is that his planning is meticulous. Whenever I saw a problem, Joe was always able to show me the solution. I thought we needed to buy a cage to put the mice in but Joe patiently explained that this would only set back our plans.

When we arrived home we went down to the cellar and Joe showed me a metal cabinet that the mice would be able to live in. The brilliant thing was that this metal cage was far roomier than an ordinary cage and it was impossible to break out of, Later on, in the middle of the night, Joe announced that the mice were running all over the cellar. For a moment I mistakenly thought that Joe had made a miscalculation. But I had got it wrong yet again. Joe explained that there were forces at work that I was not aware of; surely I had noticed by now that there were agents at work that continually thwarted his best efforts. Once more I failed to grasp the finer details, but I remember feeling reasured that Joe hadn't let us down.

But who were these mysterious agents at work? Joe told me right now he couldn't reveal all the details and I should be safer if he only informed me about things on a "need to know" basis. I was continually astounded at how Joe could go about his day to day business and not need to unburden himself about all these dark forces.

We never managed to catch the mice and eventually, Mum came across one scurrying around the coal hole. Dad immediately set traps and Mum enticed a stray cat called Lily into the cellar. This cat soon saw off the mice but, unfortunately, presented Mum and Dad with a white one. They knew straightaway that one of us had introduced mice to the house. It didn't take too long to discover that it was Joe and me. I say Joe and me, but somehow in all the chaos it seemed the evidence pointed to me as the main culprit. Joe said that this often happened under the heat of interrogation and that it would simplify matters if I went along with this impression. He was right as usual. The cat went on to have eight kittens, of which we kept two, called Taffy and Toby.

So that's how I came to love cats and be scared of mice.Rabbit rabbit rabbit.

You can read more family stories at lying in interviews and the day I swore on the bible.

Now, if you actually need to get rid of mice, I have a hub called best ways to get rid of mice.